The 'Acts of G-d' Clause

Last week, my BFF Amy invited me to be her date to a friends wedding in New Rochelle. I jumped at the opportunity, knowing that I would get cake and also a chance to get some good wedding ideas to call my own. Walking out the door should have tipped me off that this wasn't going to be a good evening...

The minute I walked out my front door, freezing rain and wind smacked me in the face. I opened my umbrella, fighting to keep it from breaking apart in the torrent. I ran to the main highway a block from my house, desperately waving at the yellow cabs who, for some reason, don't like to stop when the weather's bad. By the time I finally jumped into a cab that was stopped at the light, my exposed legs were soaking wet, and the wind and rain had managed to smudge my mascara to my hairline. This is New York in March...gross.

By the time we made it through the bumper to bumper traffic on the Queensboro Bridge, I was 30 minutes late and ran to meet Amy in Grand Central. During the half hour train ride, we took the opportunity to dry ourselves the best we could with napkins.

When we disembarked the train, the rain and wind had gotten worse, and we scrambled to catch a cab. Down the dark and swerving road to the venue, we veered out of the way of a fallen tree, which had collapsed across the road and now rested on the powerlines. Concerned someone might hit it, Amy decided to call the police. Unfortunately, no one picked up at 911... seriously.

We were relieved to find that we hadn't missed the ceremony as we originally thought. Everything was behind, because of a power outage. The lobby of the venue had candles everywhere and the staff desperately scrambled to collect more to light the ceremony. Finally, we were let into the ceremony. It was beautiful. The candlelight made it really cozy, and you could see the Long Island Sound crashing violently against the rocks out the window.

After the ceremony, we enjoyed an elaborate cocktail hour, then were led into the reception room where we sat down to dinner. The meal was really delicious and the decor was simple and lovely. Three quarters of the room was surrounded by windows overlooking the sound and as we ate dinner, the water seemed to rise higher and higher until it was crashing against the windows.

When the bride and groom stopped by our table, they seemed stressed. Apparently, water was starting to leak through the doors and into the room, and instead of dealing with it quietly, the staff at the venue was stressing out the happy couple. I was incredibly annoyed for them. It's their wedding day! Why would you want to stress them out like this? Every now and then through out dinner, a staff member dramatically gestured to the groom and pulled him aside to whisper something to him. At one point, a staff member came charging through the reception with a pile of towels in his arms and literally dove for the door, where water was slowly creeping in at the bottom towards the DJ booth. I realize he was trying to help, but he couldn't have drawn more attention to himself.

All of a sudden, the cake was wheeled into the middle of the room, where it was cut by the unhappy couple, and one of the staff members made an announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's almost high tide and the water is rising quickly. We need to evacuate and get to higher ground." That's when the bride started crying.

We were ushered back into the dark lobby, where the bride was bombarded by drunk relatives trying to comfort her, until she finally hid herself away in the bridal suit where she could cry in peace.

Some policemen came into the room to announce that there were buses coming that would transport us to higher ground. When the first bus came, Amy and I made a bee-line for the door, hoping desperately we would make our train. When we stepped outside we looked up to see that we would be moved to higher ground in a prisoner transport bus... ala The Fugitive.

Amy and I clasped hands in the back of the bus as we lumbered through the rain, realizing that if we were to tip over or get in an accident there was absolutely no way out, and apparently 911 had better things to do then answer phones.

Luckily, we made it to our destination, which was another country club up the road from the one we were at. We could hear music pounding in a room down the hall as the guests from the rained-out party sat in the lobby. Finally, we were able to hitch a ride on the prisoner transport bus back to the train station and made it back to the city in one piece.

I felt so bad for the bride and groom. People kept saying to them, "Hey, the worse the wedding, the better the marriage," and "this is a wedding no one will ever forget." It's true...in a few years, they will be laughing about it. But right now, they're crying about it and wondering if they can get their deposit back.